As for right this moment, my cousin, Sheena (Morrisville), said she wasnt going to be doing anymore of what she was previously doing. But how do I know that I can still trust what she says? I dont know whether to believe what she states as fact or ficition anymore. I dont know. I hope she stops for own well being and health interest, if she doesnt I seriously dont think that she will live to see 21. If she does that will seriously be a miricale. My other cousin, Angie (the pregnant one), is supposed to be due at the end of this month. I'd say within the next week or so. But its gonna be soon! I'm excited in a way but not excited in another way. I mean come on shes only 18! Shes no longer with the boy that helped her along the way with this bullshit. I mean not to sound harsh or anything but most young people (15-18) who have children dont make it through college unless they are seriously really motivated. And Angie is not one of those people. :cry: Its really sad in a way you know. Shes getting home schooled because she said that she didnt want to go to school anymore because the kids were making fun of her for being pregnant. Well you know what kids are kids. Kids are mean. :evil: Kids will always be mean. In every generation of kids there are a few that are just plain evil. :twisted: So honestly if shes that worried about the kids making fun of her she's prolly not going to be going to college. Shes gonna be exactly like her mother. Although her mother went to school and is now a nurse but still doesnt have any money. Thats why they are on welfare. How the hell you supposed to support a new baby on welfare? Foodstamps dont buy diapers! :idea: That means Angie is going to have to get a job and there goes any idea of wanting to go back to school cuase it wont happen. Thats why you cant get pregnant at that young of an age because your whole life is ruined. I cant talk about this anymore or I will start crying again.
So anyway onto toher topics of my life.  Well I'm not that depressed or upset anymore. I mean I still am but its getting better. By just a tad, but hey at least its dwindling right? Sooner or later I'll be back to my normal hip-happy self.  :) Which will be a totally good thing! :lol: Yesh. 8) Well so anyway I gotta go to work today from 1-530 :( that sucks ass. I gotta go to work, then hopefully they wont ask me to stay later because I want to go home and talk to Cornell sooner than later. And besides I gotta go shopping after work there anyway. Argh :!: That sucks donkey dick. But I like shopping regarless of what kind of shopping it is. SHOPPING IS AWESOME! And I love shopping. :shock: Cornell learn that now instead of later. lol. So yea I dont know. I think I will go now I have typed enough of bullshit and everything that is bothering me today.:cry: Yes I still feel like crying today, but its not as bad as every other fucking day of all this bullshit stress. Well I'm out LATER!

~♥→I LOVE CORNELL!!!!!!←♥~
Look baby I made it colorful today! YIPPY!!!!!

Yet another depressing day in my life full of drama. Today I have to go to class unprepared yet again because I had no way to get this done. And I've had two weeks to do it since I was out sick, and its not done. Oh well its only one thing I'm missing. Well then during common hour I get to come back here in the lab and type out this paper thats due tomarrow on death. Oh the fun, more depressing stuff that I gotta deal with in my life. The paper on death has to be expierences that "WE" have been through and that "WE" can relate to. Oh the fun that will be. Writing out a paper and crying most of the way through it, talking about my best friend of all Chanelle RodReguiz (RIP BABY 10-31-01) and my other friends who were in a horrible car accident Brendan Hurd, Kyle Hurd and Erica Lane (RIP FRIENDS 3- -04 not quite sure of the date cus I cant find it.) And Opa (RIP 4-16-04) So even though I have a lot of expierence with the dead people DOES NOT MEAN I wish to write about them you know what I'm saying? I dont know. I still can't believe Cornell got out of bed this early to come and talk to me online. This is after he said he didnt want to and I told him I would have to go cry about it later. I didnt mean to make him feel bad, I guess I'm gonna have to go cry about this to if I made him feel bad and thats why he got up and came online. I dont know I'm out now.

~♥→I LOVE CORNELL!!!!←♥~

I love my baby, he makes me so happy. Esp when he comes online for me early in the morning. lol. THANKS BABY! I love you ttyl.

I have work today as usual. Nothing there changed at all. My jacket that I took this morning smells like my dog. Eww thats really gross, I cant wait to get out of here and spray it with my fragrence. I mean if I smell it I know other people smell it and that gives me a complex. Eww it smells like dirty, smelly dog. Which is what he was until yesterday when I gave him a bath. Speaking on the topic of Tyler, he wont go outside with my dad no more to take his shits and pisses. I dont know why. Maybe he's changing his morning person because now that my dad has been working Tyler is left home alone most of the day and its usually only me and my mom home? Could that be? I dont know what has been up with that dog lately. I dont know. Guess I will find out sooner or later right? Cornell called me last night as usual and I asked him a question and by his first response I think I scared him a little bit with it, but he seemed to be okay with it afterwards. I mean he should know me and my weird, strange, random questions that come outta my mouth you know? I dont know maybe he doesnt expect them now. Or maybe he forgot? Or whatever the case. Eww this jacket really smells maybe I should just take it off and not wear it you know? I dont know, I am so spraying it with my purfume. All I was smelling last night was Cornell, Joop and Gio mixed together in my bedroom. I still have no idea where the hell that smell is coming from and why I havent smelled it in there before. Its not like he was recently in my bedroom, he could've been. arrr<--- sounds like Cornell. lol. I swear I really think Cornell is in here somewhere all I hear is some guy farting and him saying arrrr. lol. Thats Cornell for sure. Well at least I dont have to smell the farts, AJ does since he's the closer one over there, and Kim is in the middle of us lol. Poor Andrew. lol. oh well. Well I'm about to be out now, and I'm guessing that these comuters dont like AIM too much cuz it keeps shutting it down, or maybe it shuts it down because I'm not using it? I dont know. Everything in my life is soo confusing.
Now onto the more important things that have been going on in my life, THE DRAMA is you would so call it that.

Life is just confusing and depressing. I'm reaching a state of semi-depression now. No not because my boyfriend isnt here, but yes he is part of it. (No Honey dont feel that bad, its a bunch of other things to) The other part of it is my cousin which I dont want to talk about although I really should talk about her. Get everything thats bothering out in the open. Also I'm failing math, which isnt good. Ugh. I dont know. I cant seem to grasp it on the test. I do the homework and Im fine in class but when I get the test its like everything just goes blank and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. My life is just a big depressant. Ugh. I cant take this no more. Why can't this class be easy. With all that I have to deal with, trying to teach myself this course plus my life as it is now, my boyfriend not here to help teach me this course, and now my cousin(s) its all more than I can handle. At least some good of it this is that I dont have a trouble oriented party freak of a boyfriend to worry about. He's the only person (thing) that I cant actually say I dont worry about 24/7. But now that things are just soo fucked up right now, and my life is depressing I'm worrying over him more than usual. I hardly ever worry about him. I just feel so depressed like all I want to do is go home and cry and just sleep. Have my world dark and gloomy thats the way I feel today. It hurts so bad knowing that no one can possibly make me feel better and I have to try to deal with it on my own. The past couple days I'm just putting on a happy face, or a happy voice just so no one knows or no one asks about it cuz I dont want to talk about it. Even Cornell doesnt know anything is bothering, or at least until yesterday anyway. He just doesnt know how bad it really is. Well I think I'm gonna go to class now oh the joy of more misery in my life.
And Cornell you better read yesterday entry to!

~♥→I LOVE CORNELL!!!←♥~    Look baby Jets colors, even though they lost the other game lol.

Since I dont have a computer I am forced to do all my work on the schools computers besides updating this thing every other or every day. Well as far as my school work goes I have been doing it, it's just not done on time. And that effects my grade. It can't be done on time besides of my limited computer access right now. Oh the fun of that right? Well later I have to go pay my bill at the end of my last class at 2pm. Then I get to go home and give Tyler (my dog) a bath. He's such a silly puppy. But not as silly as Cornell. He's the silliest of them all and I love him for that. Time to go get something done.

♥~I LOVE CORNELL!!!~♥

This has been troubling me since I could remember. Why is that my mind keeps trailing back to things that have happened to me in the past? All the time, no matter how good, bad, exciting, fullfilling, desperate etc. that time in my life was. My mind always seems to go back to anything that I could remember. Last night right before I was going to bed, I was laying in my bed after talking to Cornell and my mind trailed back to this kid, whom I've never dated, but who liked me. It was like 'What the fuck?' My mind trailed back and re-thought the whole situation over again and wondered what woulda happened if things were done differently. I dont understand this. I dont care if things would've turned out differently, ALL things happen for a reason. Why does my mind do this for? Its not like I even care about things anymore that my mind goes back to. Now dont get me wrong, its not that I dont care about anything I do. I just dont care about certain things that my mind trails back. It doesnt matter if its 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, 8 months, 10 months, 2 years, 4 years or even 10 years ago. Whatever happens that I'm able to remember my mind will trail back to it and it will be like 'Oh well maybe if I did this my life woulda been....' or 'Well maybe if this happened things woulda turned out like this...' Its like I dont fucking care. I LOVE, absolutly LOVE my life as it is now. Yea things could be a little different, like I could be rich and be on my own right now. But that will happen, so as of right now I love my life so I really dont understand why mind keeps doing this. ITS SOO ANNOYING! My wonderful boyfriend even keeps asking me "Why do you keep bringing ____(insert time here) up for?" and I'm just like 'I dont know!' Cuz I really dont know for! I have no idea what the hell is up with my mind for! Its soo annoying as stated before. Ugh I cant stand my mind sometimes. I'm done. Leave love. I'm out!

~♥→ I LOVE CORNELL!!!←♥~

Yankee fans are now embarrassed at the terrible, horrible, unexceptable loss of the team. 4 games in a row! How the fuck does that happen? I dont even want to know. They are a disgrace to baseball as of right now.   Thats why there is a strike-through that whole small paragraph for that reason.

I just tried posting and it wouldnt let me so i gotta post the whole fucking over again. well lets start with yesterday again. well i was at work when this woman came in and she was like can you take the carrot tops off for me? i was like no we dont do that up here, produce does it in the back if you ask them. she was like yes you do they do it here for me all the time. and she started twisting the tops and got me all wet. its bad enough that im sick but i gotta deal with these assholes who get you wet ontop of being sick and you're on express where the door is always opening and you feel the breeze to top things off. well YANKEES LOST FOR THE 3RD TIME LAST NIGHT! yankees suck huge donkey balls. Cornell did you watch them again? Prolly turned the tv on to see if they were ahead and watched it. they always lose when he watches the game. well i wonder if my professor graded our take home exams only one way to find out and that is go to me class right? yes i gotta go to all my classes today cus i missed mondays classes cus i was sick. yea that sucks donkey dick. well its not too bad. Robby gave me two songs last that i had to go home and change. they werent too bad. I just wanst thrilled with Hollies whole rhyming thing. but shes new at this so we'll let it slide this time right? lol. well Robbys song that he gave me actually turned out well. not saying that none of his songs do they usually do. if that makes any sense what soever. i have no idea. it sounded good in my head until i typed it out now it just sounds retarded. yesh. oh well. im off from work today thank fucking god for small favors after my day yesterday with that asshole i need off today. well im about to bounce. peace.

~♥I LOVE CORNELL!!!!♥~

yes thats done the lazy way but you know what i dont feel like fucking around with this thing again. love you baby!

Oh yes the thing that never ends. School. School sucks, but in other ways it can be kind of cool you know. Yea like when you're a little kid and love the fact that you get to go to school and meet new people. Well I'm back at school and as ever it sucks. I swear I hate my english professor. She can go suck big donkey balls. She makes everything 30 times harder than it has to be. Everyone is gonna fail this midterm exam. EVERYONE! So I have no idea. I wish there was some way that I could just pass this class without a worry. All my other classes I'm not really even that worried about, it's just this one english class. Ugh, I want Cornell here, he should be here right now. It's not fair, stupid ass school he goes to lol.  I don't know. I'm just sitting on the school computers right now bored out of my mind and worrying over this stupid exam. Right now since my computer died on me, my dad is thinking about getting me a new computer for christmas. But wait a minute, what about the bedroom set he promised me? Does this mean I'm getting two expensive things? Although from what my mom says I either get one or the other but not both. Right now at this point I don't even care which one I get. Either way I can talk to Cornell. So it's not like it matters. I don't know. I just dont want to be here today. After this stupid English test I gotta go to work. Well hopefully I can finish it up early, so I have time to go home and get something to eat before I gotta rush off to work. Seeing as how I don't have any money till tomarrow when I get paid and I gotta make sure that I have something to drink, you know bring it with me. Cus I wont have any gum for the resgister, why? Oh yea cus I dont have any money. Well all I really need is 1.10, which I can take outta my car seeing as how I need gum that bad anyway. Esp, when my throat hurts and I'm still kinda sick. Thats the only thing that keeps me going. Well its 904am, I called Cornell before around 830am and he didn't pick up. He might have been in the bathroom or still sleeping and didn't want to answer the phone. Or maybe he was class or got something to eat. Who knows. Right now I dont really care where he was. Cuz I know he wasnt getting himself into trouble. So it really doesnt even matter. I'm out for now. Catch ya'll later. Leave me some love damn it!

~♥→I LOVE CORNELL!!!!!←♥~

Jets colors. lol. I LOVE CORNELL! and nothing will change that factor! love you lots baby  ♥/always me silly. 

Or at least thats what I'm hoping it is. Right now I'm in school, all places of which I wish I werent. I'm not going to any of my classes today. Instead I'm typing of my take home exam up and then handing it in to my professor at his office I'm also emailing him a copy just in case that he loses it. I'm also printing out an extra copy for myself. I just want to go home and go back to bed, thats all I want to do I'm not up for this school thing today. I'm not up for anything or anyone today. I'm just not feeling this day. I swear if I didnt have this take home exam due today I would have just said fuck it I'm not going to school and slept all day. BUT NOOO I'm here doing this stupid shit which I wish I werent. I'm going to go hand this in and then go home and go back to bed. SLEEEP!!!

~♥I LOVE CORNELL!!!!♥~

Honey,

My throat hurts, I think I'm getting sick. Which I hope is not the case. I dont want to be sick, being sick sucks. Yea. I dont know. I really dont want to go to class today. Work sucks ass. Lol yea I gotta go to work today from 1-5 yea that should be good right?

YESTERDAY: Yesterday went well actually. Work wasnt too stressful. So that was a good thing for sure. So yea. The only thing that was weird was that I had a really weird dream.
My Dream:
I was at my house and I was having some work done at my house on the side of it. So I called this company to come down and do the work. I had at least 4 or 5 of my friends there. This guy shows up (Who was my boyfriend in the dream but he didnt look anything like him. I mean it was him, the height, the structure of his body, his voice things like that were all the same, personality and everything. everything but the hair color and the eyes were different.  so it was pretty weird.) Next thing I know is that he's rididng a motorcycle around my backyard trying to be cool and he jumped the fence and missed and landed between the deck on the side (Which is no longer there) and the fence. Me and my friends laughed our asses off (Hence the fact that he wasnt my boyfriend but was my boyfriend in the same factor, cus everyone knows I wouldn't laugh at him if he done something stupid like that.) So he got up and he was fine there was nothing hurting him at all (The fact that he wasnt but he was) Then next thing I know is that we're walking hand in hand down the block.(Shows that he is) and thats all I remember. I dont even know if the work I wanted done to the house was done at all. Lol. Weird huh?

I dont think that theres anything too interesting going on today. KyLynn at work, all she talked to me about was how gorgeous my boyfriend is. Honestly I'm kind of getting sick of everyone telling me how gorgeous my boyfriend is. This has been going on for at least 2 weeks already. And its really starting to get on my nerves. I'm seriously getting sick of it. Lol as mean as that sounds its true. I know Cornell is gorgeous but what I dont need is everyone telling me that. Sue, Suzanne, Gwynn, Marie, KyLynn, Briana, Tina, Shirley. EVERYONE I AM SO SICK OF IT! Thats all I hear all day at work. 'Dora your boyfriend is sooo hot, he's gorgeous!' I'm like 'Good he's fucking gorgeous, I fucking know that already why do you think I'm dating him besides his awesome personality, BECAUSE HE IS FUCKING GORGEOUS!!!!' Jesus people. looks help, DUH, but its his awesome personality that keeps me with him. Which is what I dont think anyone understands besides the bookkeepers that are there that think he's gorgeous to. Hopefully by the end of this week it will all be old news you know? Hopefully by saturday I wont hear anything else of it. Well actually hopefully its today because I'm off tomarrow. Watch he comes back again in November and thats all I'll hear for another 2 weeks lol. Well its time to bounce cus I gotta jet off to class.

I LOVE CORNELL!!!!!

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p; ♥/Always
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;   HoneyL ove

yesh well i was talking to my baby yesterday and the thought of getting us nextels is such a good idea. we could talk a lot more and i mean A LOT more than we do now. we hardly talk now to each other cus my computer at home is all fucked up and went down the shitter litterally. so yea. my dad started bitching about that again but no i didnt cry. my hormones are starting to get back to normal so thats a good thing.

TODAY: im not exactly sure i gotta go to work and cant really say how my day will be going. so ill follow up on that tomarrow.

I LOVE CORNELL!!!!

Look baby JETS colors. lol.

Yesterday when I got home from school, which went well. I had to take care of my woman problems and then head off to work. Work went okay I guess. Just mainly people bitching about how they picked up the wrong meat thats on sale and how its supposed to be the right one. When they say SWEET or HOT suasage, they mean sweet or hot not sweet basil. It's not the same. So yea thats how my day went at work. I was kinda in a bad mood. I saw Cornell's mom, Doreen, yesterday she popped in the store to do a little shopping. She looked happy, I although was not. I was on express for 3 1/2 hours yesterday and when I finally got my break I only had 45 minutes left by the time I got back on register. Ooh wow. Yea when you are hungry, PMS-ing, and thristy those things altogether are not a good thing. Well I went home and was happy regardless of how everything in my life is soo unfair right now. I was just happy to be home and not be at work. Well I tried going online my computer just died on me. So now I can't get online at home anymore. My dad started flipping out on me because of it. I'm like whatever. I'm on my period and he made me cry 4 times and I was in a crappy mood for the rest of the night. So my night went well. I just want Cornell here, and I don't want to be here anymore.

TODAY: Today should go pretty well. I have two classes today and I have to go my meeting. Although I will be meeting up with the group like the last half of common hour to do some shit in the studio. I'm not exactly sure what we are doing in there cus I havent been to the group rehearsals in a week and we had a rehearsals twice last week. I had a good reason, Cornell came  home :) thats a good reason! So I kinda have to go today ontop of everything else i gotta do. I have to go to my 930 class then theres common hour which you know about already and I gotta go to my 1230 class and then i get home by 2. When I get home however I gotta give my dog, Tyler, a bath cuz he stinks. He needs one. Then it's just boredom for the rest of the night basically. Listen to a lil music, maybe rehearse on my own, watch TV, and eat. lol. And then of course shower before i go to bed. Cus I probably wont be talking to Cornell tonight. I guess he could call my house from his place on his card and I wont get charged for it I dont think. I dont know. I'm leaving. PEACE!

I LOVE CORNELL!

I want Cornell here, he should be here right now. FUCKIN SCHOOL! I hate my life.

this weekened has been great. too bad it has to come to an end today. today is my last day to spend with Cornell. so that is why we're gonna make the best of it soon. although this weekened has totally made the best of it. ill miss him as always. we've grown closer and thats such a good thing. well im out now. peace.

I LOVE CORNELL!!!

Cornell is coming home today! isnt that exciting. i know it is! well anyway i prolly wont be on for the weekend since i will be basically spending every last moment with him i possibly can. so thats a good thing. ill catch you all later. PEACE.

I LOVE CORNELL!!!!

Baby,
    & nbsp;    Its coming! you'll be home on Thursday. i cant believe it. its coming so fast. just one more full day without you then ill have you technically on Thursday, of course ill be working from 1-6. but hey im all yours on friday from 10-11 and then from 1230-till about 7 or 8 at night. cus i gotta get mad sleep then so i can be at work at 830-130 on saturday and then you have me all day till whenever i gotta be at work the following day. oh yea on friday i want to go down to the hospital to see whatever happened with that application that i put in and that job that they said was open. oh yea my math professor gave out our test so instead of adding another 10 questions she just handed our test back for us to make changes and go over it if we want shes basically only grading the first 9 questions and anything after that is fair game. WOOHOO. lol. you can print this letter out if you want but there really is no need to cus i wrote it on paper anyway. she gave us a lecture for about 20 minutes which felt like an hour. lol. yesh. i have exactly one hour now to finish my post and then go to english and then to work ooh the fun right? i guess ill talk to you later baby. i love you.
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;  ♥/always
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;    me

now onto my day. well since i skipped english the other day i kind of have to go today. esp since shes giving out a research project and its teams of 4. so yea. i want the easiest thing with the less time that has to be taken out of my sched for this stupid project. so yea. and of course i want it to be on something that i enjoy not just to get it done. you know somethings not what you enjoy you keep putting it off until the very last minute and then you rush to get it done and then you dont get that good grade like you could've gotten. yea well i dont want that to happen. i kinda have to do good this and next semester. work should go by pretty fast today, like it has been going by the past few days and weeks and months. lol. my parents really arent bitching much yet, or since the other day. so thats always good to know right? i gave my mom $26.00 yesterday for that huge phone bill cus i was talking to Cornelius a hell of a lot. and then this thursdays payday pay im gonna give her another $25.00 so that will make $51.00 and so yea ill have over $100.00 by the end of this month if i keep kicking it like i am you know. but im not gonna all out on it, i got soo much time to pay the bill off. besides Cornell said he would help me and so did his mom. aww im so loved. well im out now. laters.

this week should go by great seeing as how im being fucking bitched at for a fuckin phone bill that i said i was gonna pay. so i dont know what the hell they bitching for. so pay the fucking thing and ill pay you back. STOP FUCKIN BITCHING!!! FUCKING GOD YO!!! i cant stand when people do all bitching like that for. my mom is like fuckgin bithcing over shit and all, telling everyone that no one fucking understands yea well guess what this just in: NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTANDS ME EITHER!!!!! get the fuck over it and move on, thats life for ya you know. my dad is all bitching cus my mom is bitching. My dad bitches about everything and anything. about the car that i drive and he pays for, well you know guess what we're breaking even with the truck you pay for it and i drive. BREAKING EVEN!!! DONT YOU FUCKIN GET IT RETARD!!! apparently not. UGH i cant fuckin stand all this fuckin bullshit...*cough cough* oh shit excuse me im allergic to BULLSHIT i fucking cant stand this shit no more. AND THAT WASNT MEANT TO BE FUCKING FUNNY EITHER ASSHOLE! before i diss anyone else or offend them in any way i think im gonna leave this fucking shit.
sometimes i see no reason to live anymore.
when the shit starts flying, fling it on back to the person who flung it to you.

yep im in no mood for this shit today. i was supposed to have a 20 question math test today. but yea like that happened. we had a fire drill so we only had to do 9 questions and the rest was extra credit but shes gonna give us 10-20 to do on tuesday when we come back. that sucks major ass. shes giving us a different set of questions to do TUESDAY this fuckin sucks ass like you wouldnt believe. but yea now at least i have a few more days to study cus lord knows i have no idea what the fuck im doing in this class. so yea. its good but its also bad in a way. so i dunno. now im debating on whether to do go my english class or not. i dunno i dont really want to cus that means rushing my ass off to get to work on time. and if i dont go to english i really have nothing to do so yea. maybe ill walk over to the cafe and get something to eat now thats if they have anything. well im out PEACE

well today is going well for far. i know i havent updated in about a week or more. sorry. i've just been so busy with all the bullshit that comes along with this fucked up life. yesterday i found out that i had a page paper due in philosphy class today! that i had to sit and write. then my computer froze and i was getting really pissed off cus i thought i would lose the whole thing. ugh. it was all drama the whole fucking day. at work i didnt get to close until i was supposed to go home. i closed at exactly 428pm and i went home at 430pm cus i had to wait for steve to come back from break cus laura's stupid ass dont know how to close anybody. ugh i cant stand her. at least mike would've let me close you know? so yea. thats how my day went yesterday. today in phil i get to see my friend Andrew who's birthday is tomarrow. happy birthday Andrew! he turns 20! good for him. lol. yes that was meant to be sacrastic. so yea. Kim is just annoying as ever. god i cant stand her sometimes. you would think im PMS-ing. i mean seriously. thank god i only see her when i drive her to school most days. on wednesday i will see her for about 20 minutes then jet off to my rehearsals. i also had this weird dream that went a lil like this...

I was laying in my room on my bed with Cornell and we were kissing. i knew it was him but at the same time in my mind and to him i kept telling him that i shouldnt be doing that because my boyfriend(him away at school it was the same person!!!) might find out i was cheating. it was really weird but i continued to kiss him anyway.

i mean it was really weird. it was the same person the exact same person! so i dunno. what is that trying to tell me? that i miss him that much well duh i knew that fuckin one already. i dunno. ill catch ya'll later. peace love and hair grease.

i am sitting in the comp lab doing nothing just chillen with Jen. I'm waiting until Michelle gets out of her 2 class so i can take her home and then go to the hospital and the Maryhaven office center to see if they have any job opporunities for me. god i hope so.  i cant afford to work at Cock Kullen anymore.jesus lord knows i hate that fuckin place with a fucking passion. oh yea soo much. so yea thats always good to know right? so yea anyway. i called my baby this morning to make sure he was awake for his 12 class. yesh he has to be awake, he cant go there sleepy can he? i dont think so. lol. there is a topic that has troubled me lately so i'm going to state and just please comment on it. thank you.
I'm not quite sure what everything is all about with anything anymore. everthing just seems so confusing. It's like I hope it is, I hope its not. You know what I'm getting at? Probably not. Honestly it was about a dream that I had, had last night that really made me think when I woke up this morning. Just about life, love, honesty, loyalty, you know the whole nine yards. Is it all a figment of someones imagination or are we all real in some fucked up sinario of this so-called life? Does anything even make sense anymore about life, love, sex, paranoia, trust, lies, hate, and descrestion. Sometimes it just doesnt feel like anything is real. When you feel alone, nothing is real, anything can happen and no one would even take a second look at it. Your thoughts are just that, thoughts that you were thinking at some point and now you dont even remember what they were as if you were forced to forget them. Thats what memories are. The rememberance of something that you forget in time because it wasnt that close to you, but its who you are. Memories. Why disregard something so dear and they when its lost you wonder why you dont have it no longer? How can we as people look at something and then totally pretend/ignore that it didn't just happen? Even though its something serious like the death of a child or a car accident that you have witnessed? Is it that people dont want to be bothered by those things and that is why they ignore it or pretend that it didnt happen? Are people that cold hearted and cruel that they will turn their backs on their fellow American? If thats the case, then why are American's so hurt by others who do the same thing to them when it's their car accident or their child that is hurt? Why are people so selfish and into themselves that they can even spare a helping hand or a $5.00 bill to someone in need? Just some thoughts on things that have troubled me in my dreams and in reality. Thank you for taking the time out and reading.
Today was and still is very interesting. and all that i have found out about everything i will treasure for years to come. please R&R. peace, love and most of all care for all things great and small.